from the pages of other libraries....

Annoying old guy: Hey, guess what, my last two wives were librarians. Want to see my scars?


Dragons
A customer shared the following fact with me just now: "Dragons are actually good. They are like uncles to all of us."


T-shirts
As I am rushing across the library with several things in my hands, a lady says "Excuse me, ma'am, can you help me over here?"
Her t-shirt is printed with: "Oh yes, let me just drop everything and deal with your problem."

Later: a GIANT man in a t-shirt that says FUCK! comes up to me at the children's desk and asks if we have "At the End of the Sidewalk" by Shel Silverstein.


Interesting person of the week
A guy was here the other day and very upset that we didn't have any books in stock on how to make holograms [I was impressed we even owned any at all] --"I'm an inventor! It's the government, they're censoring me, etc etc."

Today he came back wanting books on kelp (he's going to make a fuel out of it), and told me this:

"I saw the Beatles and they told me I'd be the one to invent this!"
Me: The Beatles told you?
Him: "Yes, I'm telepathic."

He also said he speaks to Bill Gates by telepathy, but he doesn't like to admit it because he's a "sinner" for having stolen the GUI from Steve Jobs. Fair point.


Woman @ the RFID checkout tells me that the screen says that she can't check out. I look at her account and tell her that she has $64 in fines. I tell her that the fines are for overdue materials.

Woman: What do you mean?
Me: It is x amount per day, and these books are more than a month late.
Woman: I didn't know there was a due date... that's why I checked out so many of these kids books.
Me: The due dates are on the receipt.
Woman: I threw away the receipt. I just thought we could take as many as we want and return them when we can. I never heard of a "due date." OMG, my husband is going to kill me!


SOME information
Lady: (looking at big "Information" sign above the desk) Information, huh? I need some information--how can I get two thousand and fifty dollars in three days?

Me: Uh...if I knew that, I wouldn't be working here!

Lady: (laughs) That was a good question, wasn't it!

Me: Sure was!

Lady: You should change that sign to say "Some Information, Not All".

Me: You're absolutely right.



The Straight Story
The List Guy can't find one of the books he has checked out and wants to pay for it.

Me: Why don't you wait a little while and see if you find it?

LG: No, I gave it to the witches' coven at Jack in the Box in exchange for a meal or they wouldn't let me come in there any more.

Me: Wow, I guess you'd better pay for it then.

LG: Actually my brother Dave took it for a hundred thousand dollars. But he's president now. He was elected. We both were. We're Big Dave and Big Steve. [LG's name isn't Steve]