Ok, I am the first to admit I am a reality TV fan. Maybe not an addict, but I do find my DVR is filled with Real Housewives (or, as Andrew calls it, Real Hobags), Profect Runway, Top Chef, Survivor, Pregnant in Heels and occasionally My Strange Addictions (which is not my passion, but Andrew loves it). However, I think its time to draw the line. After recent announcements of new reality by a variety of cable networks, I feel it is my duty to report what is in store for other fans like myself, so you can exercise your power to shut the damn TV off and pick up a book.
Amish Mafia
Ok, really? First of all, there is a mafia among the Amish? And what exactly are they controlling-quilt sales? Black Market Shoo Fly Pies? Do they run you down with Horse and buggys? My brother had shared a scenario that acurately reflects what we might see in an upcoming episode:
...."Abraham." " It appears that Ishmael was found using real buttons on his jacket!" " It's time we sent a message to these punks." " Go fetch 3 shoo fly pies and 5 pounds of Amish potato salad and meet me at the Wockenfus's barn at midnight."....
Moonshiners
Yes, they still make moonshine in Appalachia, sometimes illegally. This series introduces us to some of the men and women who practice this 200-year-old tradition. How do they come up with their special formulas, and what do they have to do to avoid the long arm of the law, which is just as vigorous as in Prohibition days?
I think they deserve some credit that they can actually function enough to drink Moonshine and be on a reality show at the same time. Wait...maybe thats the best case scenario.
Whisker Wars
This docu-comedy is centered in the world of competitive facial-hair growing. Seems this might be a slow moving documentary. Do they include women who have some facial hair issues? Can't wait for Haircut Carving.
My Strange Addiction...Never Nude
This is a group of individuals who are never without clothes, 24 hours a day. They dress for work, bathe, sleep, without ever taking their clothes. This is just plain...ew. Truthfully, there are times I prefer not to be nude, but sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and be free. Perhaps therapy could be a visit to a nudist colony.
Happy Viewing!
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