Williams Sonoma's Guide to Christmas

I simply am not Williams Sonoma material. I have dog nose prints on all my windows, leftover kraft mac and cheese in the fridge, and my idea of a gift wrap is putting in it a gift bag. Williams Sonoma customers need biscuits that cost 75.00 for their luncheon which are kept in a larder. What the hell is a larder? How is it different from a pantry? In any case, it is fun to peruse the catalog for the most absurd items one can purchase...


Item #54-3800760 Williams-Sonoma Snowflake Marshmallows

Williams-Sonoma says: "Fluffy marshmallows are hand cut and individually dusted."

Price: $5.95. Set of four.

6.00 for 4 marshmallows. That are cut like stars and melt the minute it hits the hot chocolate. Oh wait..they are DUSTED. Totally worth it.

Item #54-5710884 Three Months Of Pork

Williams-Sonoma says: "Includes 2-lb. extra thick bacon steak, 2 lbs. 4 oz. smoked Italian sausage links, and 2 lbs. Heritage Berkshire pork bulk breakfast sausage."

Price: $99.95

Waiitttt a sec.....this is 3 months of pork??? 6 pounds of meat? for 100.00? This is a breakfast meal in our house. And they make you wait for it with baited breath every month.

Items #54-126250 and #54-527879 Butter Making Kit, Rooster Butter Stamp

Williams-Sonoma says: "Just add cream for fresh, flavorful butter in 20 minutes!... A bas-relief rooster image adds a flourish to fresh churned butter"

Price: $29.95 (kit), $9.95 (stamp)

Butter in 20 minutes. Really? Do they mention how you churn for for 20 damn minutes until your arm falls off? That butter would be enough to butter someone's toast. Once. Well, i guess you have the option of stamping the butter. Where's Costco?

Item #54-5062088 Breville Smart Waffle Maker

Williams-Sonoma says: "With 12 browning setting and an 'A Bit More' button that let you add on time until waffles are cooked to perfection."

Price: $199.95 (two-square), $249.95 (four-square)

Now, here is the obvious question. If you have 12 browning settings, you actually need "A BIT MORE" setting?? And truly, i make alot of fucking waffles-how can there be 12 and A BIT MORE browning of waffles? Is level 1 white? Level 5 light tan with streaks of cream? Honey, please hit the "BIT MORE" button...the waffle is brown like toast, but needs more more. Just a bit.

Item #54-5873732 Gingerbread Estate

Williams-Sonoma says: "(not shown)"

Price: $249.95

Notes: What the fuck? I can't see the estate? The house itself is 57 bucks. How much larger is the estate? Is it so large that it can't fit within any standard camera lens? Does it have a fucking golf course? I want a gingerbread estate with a chocolate moat and armed taffy guards and maple butter gates, and if someone tries to break in, my peppermint security alarm alerts an elite group of butter toffee SEAL members to come shoot hot caramel right in your fucking EYE.

Okay, I am getting testy now. Merry Christmas....

Happy Holidays from the Adams!

This will be my official Christmas letter this year, as i am stepping up into the tech world and therefore, you all are too. As I was about to reflect on the last year, I actually had to look at my calendar on my smart phone and determine what exactly I have done all year, as my memory continues to come in and out. Welcome to middle age. Or perhaps I have been here longer than I want to admit.

I can start out the year by saying we enjoyed a great season with the Baltimore Ravens and Maddie got to experience a Super Bowl parade. It set the tone for the year.

I went on a big adventure in April with my mother and brother Tim to Dublin and London. I think there might be some blog posts about the trip here, but it was memorable and big fun. Highlights were Dublin and meeting long lost relatives. Tim might think the last night in Dublin was the best, which resulted in this photo as we left Dublin to London at 5 AM the next morning.

This required long naps and a wonderful English tea filled with carbs. The trip was for my mother's 80th birthday. And a good time was had by all...
In June, Alan, myself, Maddie, and a friend spent a week in the Outer Banks which we haven't done in quite a long time. We brought kayaks, the dog, liquor,and lots of books. Enjoyed by all.

Andrew is working on his degree at Towson University. He has made alot of headway, but changed his major to English so he needs additional classes. He continues to pursue fiber arts and his dad made him a table loom that makes guitar straps and headbands. He also continues his wool hats, which he now makes for babies.

Maddie is a junior in high school and looking at colleges for engineering. We did a road trip to Cleveland at the beginning of November to look at Case Western and take in a Ravens game, the rock and roll hall of fame, and the christmas story house with 7 other friends. We rocked Cleveland and ate foods we have never tried, like bone marrow and fried pigs ears. We have other visits in the spring.

Alan is still working, but has taken on a new job behind a desk. Perfect timing as we get older and creakier. He is raising chickens on our backyard-we have a group? flock? of 7 (I think). Fresh eggs every day.

I am still at the library with many changes coming our way. Open 20 more hours a week and more staff. All I can say is I look forward to retirement.

Lucy the labradoodle is doing well-always looking for her next adventure in the car or bathroom trash can to get into. Moses, who will be 19 on his next birthday, continues to live-mostly outside in warm weather. When he is inside, it is a sad sight-he is mostly blind due to cataracts, can't hear anything, barely waling, and howls all the time. Yet he eats, drinks, and naps all day. Hard to believe he is hanging in there, but perhaps its because his nickname is the Spawn of Satan.

My brother Nick has moved to warmer pastures with his girlfriend Cindy. And he does a great job reminding all of us how warm and beautiful it is in Venice FL.

We are wishing all of you a very happy holiday and healthy New year!

The Adams family